A bit of whinning, and then I'll be good...

As anyone that is a facebook book friend of mine knows....I went back to school. Pushing 40 makes you do crazy things, what can I say. I applied to nursing school. I was told how hard it was to get into the program I wanted into and that I should consider applying to other nursing programs as well. Being a stubborn and cheap (hey, I admit it) southern women I refused, and only applied at the one. When I didn't hear from them for the fall semester, I figured, I didn't get in. I hadn't really expected to, I mean I've been a stay at home mom for 18 years people! Then the letter came and in Spring of 2010 I started nursing school.

I fretted those first few weeks (okay months), can I do this? Every exam, caused such anxiety that my family and friends could hardly stand me. I am a bit obsessive...another character flaw that those who know and love me just have to accept. I took 13 credit hours my first semester, and fellow students were always like "wow, thats a lot". I aced all my classes, ended first semester with a 4.0 and a deans list certificate. My head exploded with confidence. I can do this! Gosh golly, I'm smart. Then summer sessions started.

And we have summer semester. I only took 6 credit hours, because the summer session is slightly condensed, still it will be easy, hey I'm gosh golly smart ya know. The one class is turning out to be easy, straight memorization, self taught, just show up for tests. I have a 100 average in that class. The other class, I'm having more difficulty with. I study more for this class than I did first semester for any class. I read all the text (gasp O.o), and think I understand it when she lectures in class. The test gets placed in front of me, and I spend half of my allotted time second guessing EVERY answer. First test I barely managed an A, second test...well I got a B. Now everyone keeps saying, this isn't so bad...but I know have to make a 96 or better on the last two exams to except the exam and earn an A. If I don't I have to ace the exam to pull off an A.

Now I'm driving everyone around me mad with my "I must have an A attitude". But ya can't fix a 4.0 once ya have messed it up! <----see obsessive much

My big head has been knocked down a size a two and I'm going to suck it up and do my best...and drive everyone mad morning the loss of the 4.o! And that includes all the suckers that bother to read my blog when I bother to write one. Sorry :)

My final English paper.

Proposition 8, and Why Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed



Pride Charlotte volunteers Melissa Austin (left) and her daughter Kristen blew bubbles near a protester. “We are here to make it a peaceful event so that everyone can enjoy it,” said Melissa Austin. “We happen to believe everyone has the right to love who they want to love.” (Haight, 2009)




Proposition 8, and Why Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed
By Melissa Austin


Jack Baker, a student at the University of Minnesota, tried to apply for a marriage license in 1970 with his partner, Jim McConnell. They were unsuccessful, and the fight for gays to marry continues on, 40 years later. In 1971, the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled in one of the Baker-McConnell lawsuits that "the institution of marriage is a union of man and woman uniquely involving the procreating and rearing of children within the family is as old as the book of Genesis." (Ericksen, 2005) People are afraid of gay marriage. In the past people feared giving women voting rights and feared interracial marriages. This is a fear people are going to have to overcome, because no group should be treated as second-class citizens as gay couples are currently being treated.

I am a Unitarian Universalist, so I admit to being very liberal in my beliefs and practices. Unitarian Universalism is a theologically diverse religion in which members support one another in the search for truth and meaning. Major concerns of the Unitarian Universalist religion include social justice and service to humanity. It is actually through my church that I first got involved in gay rights. I have worked at PRIDE Charlotte for numerous years, mostly as a Partner in Peace volunteer. I was interviewed at the last pride festival, where more than 10,000 people celebrated Charlotte’s gay and lesbian community. More than 500 people showed up to protest as well. (2009, Haight) My daughter and I donned our bright yellow vests with the rainbow flags on our back and walked about the festival to provide a buffer wherever protestors were voicing unwelcome proclamations. We were not there to counter protest, but hopefully diffuse situations before they could cause any disturbances to the festival. I have met so many wonderful people over the years at this event and plan to continue to volunteer my time with the organization in the future. It is one of the reasons I see gays as individuals and not as a group. It strengthens my belief that every individual should have the right to marry.

Gays have the right to marry I have heard many argue. If they want to marry, they can, just stop being gay. You would be surprised at how many people still believe that gays make a choice to be gay or not. What makes a person gay? “Most geneticists consider sexual orientation a phenotype -- namely, an observable set of properties that varies among individuals. Although physical phenotypes like height and weight are easier to quantify, behavioral phenotypes are intensely studied in animals and humans. Research from many directions leads to a strong conclusion: Human sexual orientation has deep biological roots.” (2010, Hamer) This says to me that they did not choose to be gay, but that it is part of their genetic makeup. We no longer deny rights to those that were born with a different skin color, or the wrong gender. We now need to stop denying rights to those born gay.

Those against gays having the right to marry argue that marriage is sacred, and it would change for all time if we also allowed same sex couples to claim marital status. Let us look at the history of marriage. The idea that marriage is a sacrament and not just a contract can actually be traced back to St. Paul who compared husband and wife to that of Christ and his church. (1901,anonymous) Marriage has changed in many ways over the years. How many of us married our spouse because the in-laws were giving us a couple cows and chickens? Marriage has not always been as it is today, it has changed and evolved, just as we as a society have changed and evolved. Some cultures find it perfectly acceptable to arrange marriages for their daughters. Other cultures believe that a man having multiple wives is acceptable, so there are certainly cultural differences in how marriage is defined. The one thing that seems to have remained consistent throughout the years though is that marriage is a bond that involves responsibility and legalities.

If it is just a legality and another responsibility, why do gays want the right to marry? How would you like to introduce your partner of 30 years as your boyfriend or girlfriend? The term husband or wife tells people that it is a serious commitment, and one to be respected just by the use of the term. One of the biggest decisions anyone makes in life is whom they chose to marry. They are announcing to all around them who they want to connect with and interlace their lives. The title’s wife and husband proclaim a certain bond that to which no other seems equal. Why should we deny this feeling of security and well being to a whole section of the population?

Furthermore, there are also many rights that marriage entitles a spouse. The US government provides over 1000 benefits to legally married couples. These are things that most of us take for granted, but include: medical decisions on behalf of partner, immigration, child custody, joint parenting, burial determination, insurance breaks, automatic inheritance, social security survivor benefits, tax breaks and many more. Civil unions and domestic partnerships, which are available in some states, only offer a fraction of the benefits. Often gay couples have to accept less because one section of the population believes that being gay is wrong, and feel that it is okay to discriminate against them.

As you can see, it is not only an emotional desire to marry that has so many fighting for the right. There is currently the case of Greene verses the County of Sonoma. In this case, two elderly men, ages 77 and 88, had been partners for 20 years and made every effort to protect their legal rights. All legal paperwork was in place as far as the law would allow when tragedy struck. Harold fell down the stairs at home and was taken to the hospital. With all the legal directives in place, Clay should have been consulted in Harold’s care. Not only was he not consulted, health care workers refused to let Clay see Harold. The county went even further and placed both men in separate nursing homes and continued to treat Harold as if he had no family. Clay’s role in Harold’s life was continually ignored. The county went to court to make financial decisions on Harold’s behalf and took everything they owned, auctioned it off, and terminated the lease on the home they had shared. Three months after he was hospitalized Harold died in the nursing home without his partner of 20 years. The only thing that Clay has left of their 20 years together is a photo album that Harold put together for him in his final months. This travesty should never have happened; and if Clay and Harold had been allowed to marry it never would have. (Dennis, 2010)

Another strong argument to allow gay marriage is for the benefit and protection of the family unit. While the opposition may argue that only traditional heterosexual couples should be able to adopt, there really is no evidence that a child raised by a heterosexual couple is any better adjusted, emotionally or physically, than a child raised by a homosexual couple. With the number of single family households rising every year, having two loving parents at home regardless of their sexual orientation would be a plus in my opinion. Furthermore, there are many children waiting for adoption that may never have an opportunity of having a loving family of their own. Many gay couples are willing, financially and emotionally, to adopt these children. Often, gay couples are denied adoptions because their partnership or civil union does not give them the legal right to adopt jointly. If a gay couple adopts, one of them must be the adoptive parent officially. What happens if that parent dies? In that case, child custody does not automatically revert to the other half of that couple, as it would if a traditional married couple had adopted. This child may very well have to suffer the loss of not one parent but two, when legally the state can take them back into the system. The non-custodial parent has no legal rights. This also means that if an adopted child loses the non-custodial adoptive parent, they may have no benefits from that parent’s estate or insurance.

When we talk of gay marriage, it is often the religious right that has the most opposition to it. This is often because their religious beliefs dictate that it is morally wrong to be gay. However, no one is forcing a church, where religious beliefs would be compromised, to marry gay couples. Churches are considered private and can operate as such. Some churches continue to refuse to marry interracial couples or couples where one or both of the couple has been divorced. No one forces them to marry those couples. There are many public avenues available for marriage ceremonies. There are many churches that have open congregations which would not have their beliefs compromised if a gay couple chose to marry there. We cannot continue to use religion as an argument, as the entire world does not share the same religion or beliefs.

Above all, married couples depend on spouses when they are sick, hurt, or aging. They ride with them in the ambulance or stay with them in their hospital rooms. When a life or death decision is needed in these times, a spouse often makes it with no questions asked. Only marriage allows the security that spouses provide one another. Proposition 8 takes away the rights of gay and lesbian couples and treats them differently under the law. One of the basic foundations of our country is its laws of equality. Yet, with many states adding words to their constitutions to specifically restrict a marriage to that of a man and woman, they are discriminating against a whole segment of the population. Proposition 8 means that one class of citizens can enjoy the dignity and responsibility of marriage while another cannot.

One of the biggest contributors to the coalition of conservative groups campaigning for Proposition 8 is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Not only did they financially contribute to the campaign for Proposition 8, they used scare tactics to influence voters in their literature. For example, voters were told that if Proposition 8 failed, children in public schools will have to be taught that same sex marriage is just as good as traditional marriage. However, in California the majority of schools already teach respect for marriage and committed relationships regardless of sexual orientation. Another often heard argument was that churches might lose their tax-exempt status if they publically oppose gay marriage or refuse to allow gay marriage ceremonies performed in their churches. As previously stated, churches are not forced to go against their religious beliefs on their private property. However, if a church receives revenue for a property from the city or state, so that the property can be used for public use, then the property is not private. Gay marriage ceremonies would legally be allowed there, but no one would force the pastor or preacher to marry a gay couple if it was against their beliefs to do so.

At the end of the day, does a gay couple being granted the freedom to marry take anything away from you, or anyone else? Discrimination is wrong, no matter if it is based on your sexual orientation, your race, or even your gender. It is time for us as Americans to rejoice in our humanity, and to treat each other with respect and dignity.






















References


Anonymous. (1901). American Standard Version of the Holy Bible. New York, New York: Thomas Nelson & Sons.

Dennis, A. N. (2010). Greene vs The County of Sonoma, court document of the filing. Greene Vs the County of Sonoma, spr(8185), 1-58. Retrieved from database.


Ericksen, J. N. (2005). McConnell Vs United States of America. Retrieved Mar. 19, 2010, from United States District Judge, Minnesota, US. Web site: http://www.lawprofessorblogs.com/taxprof/linkdocs/2005-1056-1.pdf.

Haight, K. (2009, 26) 10,000 Celebrate Gay Pride Uptown. Charlotte Observer, b, 1-4.

Hamer, D., & Rosbash, M. (2010, February 23) Genetics and Proposition 8 : Human sexual orientation has deep biological roots. Los Angeles Times, 1-3. Retrieved from database.

Shh, Mom Is Studying

The US Department of Education reported in 2005 that, “By 2010 it is estimated that nearly sixty two percent of students over the age of twenty five enrolled in a degree granting institutions will be women.” With the current economy, it is becoming increasingly necessary for more women, who were once stay-at-home moms, to work outside the home to help provide for their families. I am one those moms returning to school. Except for a brief career in real estate, I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last eighteen years. As returning to school becomes more common among middle-aged people, the overall balancing act between home life and school becomes very difficult.

My first career was in real estate, during my early twenties. I discovered that I wasn’t a great salesman, even with the strong housing market at the time. When my husband and I had our first child, we decided I would remain at home and become a full time mom. Even with the financial sacrifices, being a stay-at-home mom has been the best career I’ve ever had. Now that my kids are older and more self-sufficient and the economy has us pinching pennies more than ever, I have decided it was time to return to the land of paid employment. I spent about six months looking for employment before I realized that my employment options were limited by my lack of education. I have returned to school to learn new skill sets, thus broadening my employment options. I’m not alone in this quest.

I, like many other middle age students, found returning to school overwhelming. It didn’t take me long to realize that college had changed dramatically within the past two decades. Not only have the methods of teaching changed with the prevalence of computers and online and hybrid courses, expectations have also changed. These changes, combined with feeling out of place and somewhat intimidated by students half my age, left me feeling inadequately prepared at first. Almost two months in, I’m still struggling with perfectionism issues, stress over missed test answers, and making sure that I have everything organized and ready to go before each class.

Another challenge for me and many other older students is that we already have full-time commitments. Based on the U.S. Bureau of the Census, in 2004, over half of married couples held the status of “dual income earner couples”. Fifty six percent of those couples had children under the age of 18. Finding time for spouses, children, and work can be extremely stressful. For women, especially, this can mean a major shift in family roles and responsibilities. I went from being the one that took the kids to all their activities, cooked dinner, did all the shopping, and kept the house in order, to being the one that is always studying. My husband and children have managed to pick up the slack. My husband now cooks more often than I do and my kids help out even more with the household chores. My oldest daughter has even taken on the responsibility of driving my youngest to dance class occasionally. I find myself mourning the loss of control of these everyday household responsibilities. It has become necessary to schedule one-on-one time with my husband and girls. I even find myself missing our family dog! Returning to school was a family decision and it is taking the support and understanding of the entire family to make it work.

Financially, returning to school is another burden, even though it’s a necessary one. Just the cost of tuition and books was enough to make me sweat. Additional expenses I hadn’t initially considered, such as the cost of calculators, book bags, extra gas for the car, clothes, and the occasional take out, caused even more stress. The financial burden quickly became greater than I had first imagined. Many adults returning to school have to leave current jobs, which can further add to their financial burden. Of course, these burdens are only one side of going back to school.

Finally, many potential benefits exist when older students return to school. Younger students can benefit from older student’s life experiences in discussions. The difference in perceptions between older and younger students often leads to better insights from both groups. For many adults, women in particular, returning to school can be a rewarding turning point in their lives. Personal growth and self-discovery often lead to increased self-image and self esteem. Gaining new social connections and having increased opportunities in the job market are some of the many positive effects of returning to school.

Unquestionably, the changes and challenges of returning to school can be very rewarding. I believe that the solid support structure I receive from my husband and kids is going to be the key to my succeeding as an older student. In the end, going back to school in one’s thirties, forties, and beyond can be one of the best decisions a person will make. I am certainly glad I made it.

Prop 8...and How marriage has changed through history.

First off, for those of you that aren't in the know or don't care to be in the know, let me tell ya what proposition 8 was about.  Prop 8, was about California amending their state constitution to restrict the legal definition of a marriage to a union between a man and a women.   Now lets look at who the major backers of this proposition were....oh no surprises the  Morman Church.  It was actually known as the marriage protection act!  More money was spent in this campaign than any other race or campaign other than the president.  

Lets look at how it was marketed to the public by to supporters:

voting YES would add exactly 14 words to the California State Constitution:

"Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California"

Not so scary sounding right....but no they don't stop there, the go on to say:

voting no means....that children in public school will be taught that same sex marriage is just as good as traditional marriage.  Unless Prop 8 passes, school districts will be required to teach that same sex marriage is equal in every way to traditional marriage.

Hmm....this was to scare the religious conservative that believe that being gay is a sin and frighten them into action.   (hey it worked)

Churches may have their tax exempt status challenged or revoked if they publicly oppose same sex marriage or refuses to allow same sex marriage ceremonies in the religious buildings.

     OMG, we have to let them in our churchs, they will bring the devil with them we just know it!

Adoption agencies will be forced to place children with same sex couples regardless of an agency's beliefs. 

      OMG the pour children, they will have two people who love and cherish them....oh my what will we do!

Ministers who preach against same sex marriages may be sued for hate speech and risk government fines.

OH wow, we can't take away their right to teach hate ! How horrible that would be!

Everyone will pay....changing the definition of marriage will generate a flood of lawsuits which will inflict heavy legal costs upon the parties who are sued and upon their business customers.

Sue...who? what?  because ya know they aren't suing now because of their marriage or non marriage status...oh come on!

Okay, I know, marriage is traditional, its sacred, it is as old as time, its in the bible...and....oh what?  Marriage has changed ya say?  NO take it can't  be true!   What....marriage in the bible was more about "property exchange"?    You lie, the attaining of the 1st or 2nd wife was much more important than the chickens and sheep that came with her.   ...Yep folks thats right marriage is not some great tradition that has never changed, well unless ya ladies want to be"Property" of your husband.  No?  hmm, guess we have to admit that marriage isn't so traditional anymore right?  I say....if we aren't going to grant gays the right to marry based on religious reasons, then we should allow divorce bases on religious reasons.   I mean Jesus would really frown on that whole divorce thing ya know.

I've gotten pretty silly here, but it was to make a point.   This should NOT be a religious issue.   Didn't we form America while trying escape religious rule?   What happened to separation of church and state?   Why is this a religious issue?

Exercising ...not not that kind....exercising your right to vote!

Yesterday I went to vote early.  I thought, hey I'll avoid the lines, and get in before the craziness of election day.  That way if something happens I don't miss my chance.  I'm so glad to be wrong!

The line was long, very long.  This made me so proud, I almost feel like breaking into a chorus or to of Lee Greenwoods "God Bless the USA".    I wish it didn't take a failing economy to make Americans get out and vote, but I'm glad they are!   

Now as I said yesterday hubby and I went to vote the lines were long and it was starting to rain so we went and had lunch thinking  "folk will leave since is going to rain, and once lunch time is over lines will be shorter"   LOL again we were wrong!   We got back after lunch and stood in line for 30 minutes in the rain to vote.  Then we found out that the wait was almost 3 hours!  LOL  W e left because we couldn't be that late getting home.  And we had no umbrella!  Paul actually managed to go back out and vote at another location near by and get his vote in.   I will be going back on Monday to vote, with a book and umbrella in hand!  

If you are sitting there thinking....ah well such and such is going to win...he is leading in the polls, or well my vote doesn't really matter...think again!   This year this race is going to be one of the most important and possibly one of the biggest in history.   Don't think your vote doesn't count, don't assume your guy will win.  Exercise your right to vote!   And if you don't ....don't whine to me about your taxes, your lost job, your health care or anything else that might be effected by current or future elected officials.  

No matter who wins, we are in a recession its not going to change over night, even with a new guy sitting in the big chair.   But we can't bury our heads in the sand and hope it all goes away, we have been doing that for 8 years LOL.  I'm ready for some change, how about you?

Who owns ya!

Ya know with the current economic climate not only here in the USA but world wide, it makes ya wonder "Who owns ya?"  I mean  a hurricane blows through and here in the southeast we can't buy gas, and we we do find it we have to wait in long lines and pay way to much.   The stock market goes to pot, and companies are needing bailing out by the gov or they go belly up.   The FDIC is making back room deals forcing companies to take deals with others.   At the end of the day who owns you.   My husband Paul works for one of the banks the FDIC has been fiddling with. First news was, we were bought....then no no its not in writing yet the shareholders have to vote still.  Then  OH  no...another bank has bought, and now the first bank is suing.    But in the end, do I really care who owns me or is it just if they keep me.   

 Personally as our family struggles with the economic burdens the economy is throwing us with everything costing more and paychecks not going up, we feel as if we have been through the ringer.  But at the end of the day, we are grateful to whoever it is that owns us and has decided to keep us another day!  But we are just one family in a larger picture.  Who really owns us all?  Who can pull the plug and send us all spiralling down?

Queen City and the Pip squad

It's interesting that Charlotte's nick name is the "Queen City" especially considering it has been recently named in the annual list of top 10 "gay ghettos".   Charlotte placed third followed by Raleigh in fourth on the list of the top LBT cities in America.  Apparently its our great arts funding and the fact that we are the countries second banking centers are big draws.   But they fall in love with our NoDa neighborhood, south end area, and of course our growing sleek urban downtown living.    

As time approaches for the Pride Charlotte, I really hope that we don't get the side affects of being named third.  Mainly in the form of protestors that attend the Pride festival just try to force their beliefs and views down everyones throats.    This is one of the reasons I signed up to be a Partner in Peace.

Partners in Peace are volunteers wearing bright color vests with lovely rainbow flags that are spread out throughout the Pride festival to provide a buffer for peace wherever protestors may be voicing unwelcome proclamations.   We are not there to counter protest.  We hope to diffuse confrontations before they can cause any disturbance of the festival.  We will encourage festival goers to ignore the protestors, and not engage in arguments with them.   If someone is being harassed then we will peacefully step in being careful not to provoke either side.    

I think this will be a real challenge for me in many ways.  I think the thing I will have to remind myself many times on the day of Pride is that the protestors are scared.   They are scared of what they do not understand, and of what they think to be an affront to their religion.   Most of these people that are standing on the street corner would NEVER dream of acting this way any other time.   These are our neighbors, pta moms, and even teachers.   While I don't have to agree in their beliefs I will have to remember they have the right to believe them.   

You know someday I'd like to meet the person that first coined the childhood phrase "sticks and stones may hurt me but words never will".   I'm telling you, words are powerful, and can be as damaging as a sword in many ways.   I hope some day these protestors look at what they are doing in this way.   I hope they see that while they believe one thing hiding behind their religion in order to do violence (yeah i believe the verbal attacks are violent) is wrong and is not what I've ever intturpeted any religious faith to promote.  

Until then, we will be needed...the PIP squad :)